As soon as I buy the moose head, I have to go pick up some KY jelly.
---- Mary Roninette Kowal

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
---- Lily Tomlin

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
---- Kin Hubbard

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
---- Malcom Forbes

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
---- Franklin D. Roosevelt

The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.
---- Mark Helprin, Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995

Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
---- J. Robert Oppenheimer

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
---- M. Cartmill

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.
---- Robert Copeland

There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.
---- Pablo Picasso

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
---- Isaac Newton

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
---- Edward R. Murrow

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
---- Evan Esar

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.
---- Albert Einstein

Arguments over grammar and style are often as fierce as those over IBM versus Mac, and as fruitless as Coke versus Pepsi and boxers versus briefs.
---- Jack Lynch

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
---- Fred Allen

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
---- Terry Pratchett

Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and attended to with diligence.
---- Abigail Adams (1744 - 1818)

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
---- Mitch Hedberg

"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'"
---- Sam Levenson

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
---- Edward Abbey

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
---- John Ciardi

This may be the most interesting blog theme I've ever seen. http://eflgeek.com/index.php Definitely in my top 5 at least.
---- Steve Dembo

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
---- Lily Tomlin

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
---- H. G. Wells