As soon as I buy the moose head, I have to go pick up some KY jelly.
---- Mary Roninette Kowal

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
---- Isaac Asimov

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
---- Author Unknown

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
---- Isaac Newton

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
---- M. Cartmill

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
---- Fred Allen

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
---- Terry Pratchett

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
---- Malcom Forbes

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
---- Doug Larson

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
---- Edward R. Murrow

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
---- Galileo Galilei

It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.
---- Arnold Toynbee

To have another language is to possess a second soul.
---- Charlemagne

"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'"
---- Sam Levenson

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
---- Thomas A. Edison

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
---- John Ciardi

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
---- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
---- Kin Hubbard

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
---- anonymous

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
---- Terry Pratchett

No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee's frothy goodness.
---- Sheik Abd-al-Kadir

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
---- Edward Abbey

The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.
---- Mark Helprin, Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
---- Mitch Hedberg

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster!
---- unknown