Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
---- Fred Allen

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
---- Terry Pratchett

The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.
---- Mark Helprin, Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995

Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.
---- Leonardo DaVinci (1452-1519)

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.
---- Robert Copeland

It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.
---- Arnold Toynbee

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
---- Gail Godwin

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.
---- Albert Einstein

"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'"
---- Sam Levenson

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?"
---- Kelvin Throop III

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
---- Edward Abbey

There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.
---- Pablo Picasso

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
---- anonymous

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
---- Evan Esar

As soon as I buy the moose head, I have to go pick up some KY jelly.
---- Mary Roninette Kowal

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
---- Thomas A. Edison

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
---- Lily Tomlin

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
---- H. G. Wells

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
---- Kin Hubbard

To have another language is to possess a second soul.
---- Charlemagne

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
---- Malcom Forbes

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
---- John Ciardi

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
---- Mitch Hedberg

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
---- Isaac Asimov

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
---- Isaac Newton